demasiado

a veces i feel like i am on overfull. lleno. filled up. pero sigo and i for some reason i keep going. spitting out random facts that i have absorbed at some time that none the less seems to amaze others and have them consider me a "power house of information"... regardless i have never been able to fufill my own personal expectations, pero alli vamos, im seeing que hago and what i am trying to do... and i dont know any more... ive come into to this thing having beautiful concrete yet meta-morphing ideologies and practices of incorporating into the daily existence of struggle it is to be me... on this planet. and part of this has always been territory, it has been space it has been place and memories and histories and learning from the mistakes so that next time... you would do something differently... if you are on top of your game that is, because most of us... are a little slow... and get caught up in aggressive competition trying to call out others flaws since they are so terrified of their own and never really try to think for a second about how every single last one of us is flawed and and if we redirected that energy to be constructively self critical of who each one of us is as a individual within the whole, or collective or greater island we call earth maybe things could be different.... i wouldnt have to think of the oil inching its ways from the gulf to the beach and the reefs and the mangroves and the marshes and the slough and hammocks and keys that are my north american territories... a mile below the sea 100s of millions of gallons and barrels of news gibberish that my people do not speak and we are done for... i fear and tremble... terrified of what awaits of what we have inherited yet we cant really complain for having inherited because its not like our parents or grande parents or their grandparents were the ones who made it up... is it our species... while we sit waiting... like lame ducks for this to destroy the life of the earth, everything of which we can not create our very reality and reason for existing... i want out... i dont wanna fight any more i just wanna build and create and grow and yet that in itself is not allowed so to do that i have to fight and their goes by life generation, by generation....  y herencias de desafios, sueños nunca logrados, metas desviados y logros nunca alcanzados... nos deprime como gente, como pueblo como territorios... y vemos todo a nuestro alrededor se esta cambiando y poco pa lo mejor y que pena con los de antes que lo hemos cagado tan feo pero de nuevo...todos tuvimos la culpa... pero unos mas que otros... unos mucho mas que otros... y pensar de estas personas solo hacen que los sentimientos cambien de dolor a rabia... por que como puede ser que en serio... ellos gozan mientras que nos empeoran... los de arriba... los que tienden de tener sus privilegios variados... por que nos toco esto?... o sean empresas, la policia y migra aca o multinacionales, la fuerza publica y grupos armados en la matria... que me llama constantemente... por medio de estudios y enseñazas y videos de youtube... me da mas y mas sed pa estar alla, para estar en el territorio antes del mío, antes de esta peninsula, la de mi mama y mis abuelos y sus abuelos y en particular, algunas abuelas, que desde antes que "eso" de europa y otras partes llego, conocian esto. los mismos senderos que yo conozco, las mismas la branzas de cacao, los mismos ríos y bosques... las mismas ceibas... allí es donde quiero estar... y aunque siento amor y pertenencia para toda la vida de esta peninsula... del pueblo de las brujas hasta la cueva de los guacharos es mi lugar... la quebrada de aguacaliente por ser preciso pero tampoco es que uno se queda quieto. alli... mas pronto que pueda, sera lo que me espera... retomar el cuidado de ese territorio como se hacia, desde antes.